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The contemplative piece follows an ageing man as he sits with his memories, pondering how people, status, and time reshape relationships. He recalls users and fair-weather friends, as well as the few blunt but dependable well-wishers life sends our way. Moving from individual experiences to broader observations, the essay explores friendship, family bonds, gender expectations, fraying homes and struggling children. Questioning polarised narratives like feminism versus male chauvinism, it argues that harmony, mutual respect and active care are essential if relationships are to remain a source of joy rather than suffocation.

Deep in thoughts

As always, sitting alone and sipping tea from a glass tumbler, he was deep in thought. Unable to find the solution to the convolutions of life, he would sometimes become infuriated and scratch his head. Looking back on his life, he couldn’t find anything worth talking about. Daydreaming was his favourite; he would imagine many things that he wanted from time to time. Having had no definite plan, idea or clear path, he kept moving – nay, rolling on the bevelled, rough surface, taking hiccups with movement on the rough surface.

People come and go

During his journey, he met several people who came into his life, stayed for a few days or some for a few years and then part away silently.  Initially, it used to hurt, but with time he learned that it is a part of life. It was not he who mattered, but the position he held was important for them. He saw people change in the blink of an eye, and attitudes change like a parrot. It was astonishing to see that people who boastfully declared him their friend immediately stopped talking to or visiting him the moment his position changed. Gradually stolid feelings regarding professional relations solidified in him. He became immune and it did not affect him, though incidents often reflect.

Selfish people

Now, at the mature age when he is a septuagenarian, inching to become an octogenarian, things come to mind when he sits silently. More often than not, a feeling of disillusionment hovers in his mind and his mouth tastes astringent. He happened to be a simple person to the point of dumbness. He lacked scheming, plotting and conspiring; a person who looks at things the way they come to him.

The majority of people in society are not like that. They behave sheepishly while dealing with a person in a position for parochial gains. People with this trait speak softly and politely, using rosy language and do not hesitate to do harm to anyone, but with a change of position, their attitude changes. Initially, it was difficult for him to differentiate between an obsequious person and an honest, straightforward person. He realised that people of the latter category are generally true to their words and do not play with emotions despite their harsh words that may appear unpalatable.

Helping individual

A straightforward person is not acerbic, nor are they churlish, though their words seem penetrating and scathing. They are often friend of friends and help genuine people. He remembers one of his classmates from his post-graduation five decades ago. She used to say that life was like a stream infested with numerous crocodiles and pebbles and boulders. One had to cross the stream using boulders and saving oneself from the jaws of aquatic herps. It is like walking on a tightrope.

Experience teaches

A person learns from their own experiences. Every challenge brings an invaluable lesson to the person and is etched in the mind. The world is a big classroom where everyone is a learner. They pick up things according to their calibre and interest. Nonetheless, every individual has good and bad qualities. It is the degree that classifies them as good or bad. Amidst the crowd of obsequious and selfish people, some people are genuinely good and well-wishers who try to help the needy in their difficult times. They give a positive impression and good companionship.

Human beings

Humans are a specially able group among the animal kingdom. They possess some unique qualities in a highly developed form. The core thing is their highly developed brain, which gives them superiority over every animal that, despite having a brain, can’t use it the way humans do. With cognitive power, logic and highly developed vocal cords, they can do extraordinary things. Having a complex set of emotions, they need mutual support to help. Human society has always been an organised institution comprised of numerous smaller units called families. They interact and have interpersonal and intrapersonal relations. To get a personal touch, they named their relationships, some of which are long-lasting while some are phasic.

Friends and friendship

People come into contact, and some become friends. The boundaries of friendship have waned, and friendship between the two different sexes is no longer a taboo. Like other relationships, it is the most common form and the term is often used very loosely for casual acquaintances too.

The bond of friendship is selfless, and a good friend can be a beacon who shows the path through thick and thin of life. In his life, many people of all genders came and, like the glitters of a crackle, vanished into thin air. He couldn’t maintain a long-lasting bond because of the fleeting nature of humans. With changing situations, they parted ways and vanished, but not from the memory. The remembrance of his past gives him mixed feelings. 

Family relationship

A family is the basic unit of society. It starts with two people of another sex entering into a nuptial relationship. It is considered the most vital but, at the same time, the most volatile and sensitive relationship. Two people share a bond of trust, respect and, of course, love. Though it is a supposedly permanent bond, it is weakening with time.

The reason is inflated ego, high-headedness, and the non-accommodating nature of the partners. Lack of adjustment and desire to impose will give rise to cantankerous situations, leading to disputes and verbal fights. Especially coined words by activists add fuel to the fire. Progressives who advocate gender equality play with emotions. They portray women as oppressed since antediluvian times. A few, in the name of feminism, distort the facts or present untruth in the garb of reality to fan the negative emotions and create a mental divide. (Healthy Minds NYC)

Family harmony

Division of labour is a universal phenomenon that is seen in New World countries as well. It is necessary to maintain good harmony in society and family. Earning was basically the realm of men, and household activities were in the hands of women. A distorted presentation portraying women as oppressed and exploited is demeaning to women and the system.

Economic self-sufficiency, nonetheless, is the key to the emancipation of women. It is worth mentioning that in ancient India, women were in a pivotal position, and now in modern India, they are contributing significantly, serving in Bureaucracy, politics, the three services of the armed forces, police, and all those areas supposed to be tough. The myth of so-called male domination is waning fast. Still, there voices raised for women’s liberation from male chauvinism. In families, ego clashes between couples are shattering the very fundamentals of the institution and casting ill effects on the impressionable minds of children. 

Strained relationship in family

One of the most abusive relationships are in families. The cutthroat competition and fast-moving life have led to a disturbed family where both partners are working, and children are living in day care or boarding school. Children are wilting. A new type of society with scattered families is becoming the order of the day. The dangerous trend is often seen in frequent violent pyroclastic eruptions. Children and teenagers are drawn to crime, drug addiction and depression.

Joy of relationship: Family and friends

Relationships can be bliss, but not always. The bond created to regulate society is now strangling individuals who are in a relationship, which is a bipartite phenomenon. Trying to control every aspect of life or imposing undue and unreasonable restrictions on movement and activities are but a few highly negative things which strain relationships.

Careful handling of family

It always takes two to tango. In a family dispute, the onus is not unilateral, and judging it with a pair of gender biased spectacles is partial. In a given set of situations, judging without considering every aspect would be like giving weightage to a particular side. No feminism or male chauvinism; in family affairs, these things are absolutely unnecessary. It only fans the ego and encourages a smoldering relationship. The fragmenting families and rising number of cases in family courts are but a few indicators.

Prioritising relationship

Priority to relationships is important. Assuming and taking for granted is not good. Unilateral adjustments or compromises cause indifference to creep into an individual’s personality, which is fatal for a relationship. It needs mutual care and love to nurture the sapling of a relationship into a tree.

Further reads:

• The Importance of Reciprocity in Modern Friendships
• Understanding the Different Shades of Love
• Understanding the Complexity of Human Relationships
• When to Unplug: Recognizing Signs in Relationships
• The Impact of Relationships on Well-being

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