How do you know when it’s time to unplug? What do you do to make it happen?

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The passage reflects on the essence of human relationships, likening them to a train journey marked by change. It explores the inevitability of personal loss and the importance of recognising when to unplug from unhealthy relationships. The author contemplates the complexities of interdependence, both emotional and psychological, emphasising that mutual support is essential for human growth. Highlighting the flaws within marriage and the rise of divorce rates, the text addresses gender biases and societal expectations. In conclusion, it emphasises the necessity of self-awareness and adaptability in relationships. Recognising when to let go can be crucial for personal well-being. It is also vital for mental health.

The Journey

Sitting on his seat beside a window, he journeyed peacefully, watching the moving scenes outside as his train moved. He was on an express train, which skipped small stations and small halts. It stops for a while at major stations as it has to cover a long distance within a stipulated time.

People are on the sojourn. It is always like that. There is no scope for personal liking or disliking; it is an essential part of life. Better still, it is life. No one sits idly; one can’t.
It is important to note that the journey has to be taken alone. Family size or closeness doesn’t matter. The number of friends doesn’t matter either. The number of people behind does not affect the journey. People come on the journey, share it to some extent, and leave when they reach their destination.

A message received

The notification bell rang on his cell phone, and a message popped up. One of his colleagues and a once neighbour was no more. He had left for his heavenly abode. He received this message while travelling and was miles away from his city. This was the power of technology when he got information on a real-time basis, he thought.

People disembarked from the train

His mind was racing with the train, which was running on iron rails, roaring, howling, snapping and leaving things behind. Likewise, life is also moving fast. At the stoppage, a new person boarded the train. Meanwhile, the one who was talking and joking got down. He waved his hands from outside the compartment and vanished. They were probably never to meet again. After a brief stop, the train resumed its journey.

Thoughts ran Parallel to the Train

His train of thought also resumed, and it started running along with the train he was travelling on. The face of the deceased came before him, who was a simple person. It wasn’t because the person is now dead, and he had to say it. It was because the man was simple and self-centred. He was like an average person would be. So long as his parochial self was not harmed would seldom interfere with others. The face of his deceased colleague starts haunting him. He and many more like him came into his life. After impacting in a lesser or major manner, they vanished into oblivion. No relationship is permanent, even if one thinks so.

Mutual Interdependence

Human beings are a strange mix of emotions. To survive, taking help is necessary. It is mutual and two-way traffic. Nature has made it easy for humans, as she knew their disposition and vulnerability. They are strong and self-reliant, but without the help of others, it is impossible for humans to grow and prosper. It is not that they only take help from among themselves. They take significant help from other organisms or things around them, too. Nature provides grain, building material and yarn for food, clothing and shelter to human beings. They dig ores from the earth to extract metals from them. Collaborating with other humans working in a foundry, they take out metals through a metallurgical process. In a nutshell, human existence is because of their dependence on others, which they say is “mutual interdependence”.

The train halted at a Station

His chain of thought broke. The train had halted with a loud grinding sound of its brakes. It was a station. People were boarding and deboarding the train, railway staff were busy loading parcels and bags of postal materials. It was a busy scene. He was blankly watching their work. The prepared train whistled and moved after a while. He lost in thought again.

Nuptial Relationship

He picked up the thread from where he left off. His thoughts turned to psychological, emotional, and physical dependence. He also considered the types of interdependence he had cogitated about earlier. These three dependencies are institutionalised in the form of a family or relationship. The cornerstone of a family is a “legitimate” relationship.

An institution of marriage was implemented. It was to strengthen the relationship and “legalise” togetherness. The institution is still working. Still, it is staggering and occasionally ends in doom. Marriage and family are inseparable and essential to individuals and society, especially in the absence of better practical alternatives. Humans tried to make nuptial relationships sacrosanct and pious. They assigned nuptial relationships to God Himself. It is said that pairs are made in heaven and solemnised on earth.

Rosy stories about the sacred nature of marriage were created. Women were at the centre stage in these stories. They were ordained to follow the norms, while men were kept free from all bonds.

(a) Is Marriage System Waning?

The marriage system was fundamentally flawed and unstable, destined to fail. Its strict and suffocating nature led to asphyxiation, which ultimately occurred among the members of the family or the relationship. Over time, a gradual decline in the institution of marriage occurred. This trend is reaching a critical point. The increasing number of divorce cases, domestic violence and strained relationships are the pointers. They are needed to be addressed. This decline is one of several factors contributing to the breakdown of established institutions. As a result, familial bonds are becoming increasingly selfish, unpredictable, and unbalanced.

(b) Women are Partners

This theory of marriage worked, at least ostensibly, under the flowery wrap of custom, culture, tradition and religion. The alien culture treats women not as partners but as property. This is not intrinsic to antediluvian Indian culture and ethos. These evils were fought and warded off from society.

Women Power

Why was he thinking so much? What was the purpose? He asked himself and justified it by murmuring. He said the aim of providing a brief account of past scenarios is to highlight the “wound” inflicted by a partner in a relationship. In the modern world of science and technology, humans have reached the moon. They even walk on its surface. They approach the closest possible distance to the sun for their study and explore Mars. Gender bias, in such a world, is not only regressive but also nauseating. Indian ethos has, since ancient times, given importance to women’s power. Women are regarded as a force to reckon with. Women are now actively participating in every field, from defence to science, literature to philosophy, and household to politics.

Why to unplug

It is not difficult to decide when it is time to unplug in such a scenario. Relationships are born out of love, mutual understanding and respect. It is now not a realm of any gender but bilateral. No one is above the other, and both are the two wheels of a cycle in a true sense. Non-adjustments and inappropriate calibration in relationships affect the fragile relationship. Additionally, an inflated ego and a sense of superiority complex contribute to the issues. Economic freedom also plays a role. The minor tiffs are getting large, and making a hill out of a molehill is frequent. Those who try to stay in relationships are either timid, oversensitive, or emotional. They do not want to unplug the relationship because they are not capable of bearing the brunt of losing. They want to give the relationship one more chance.

Strained Relationship

The difficult relationship is not only harmful to those who are in such a strained relationship. Unfortunately, children who experience severe mental and psychological trauma suffer a lot. They simply do not deserve this painful experience. Parents must consider it seriously before reaching a conclusive stage. They need to take concrete actions to tackle this problem. This will help them move further ahead.

(a) Understanding Harsh Realties

Initially, it gives flowery and silky feelings. The lovebirds feel on cloud nine. They never think of the harsh reality. Their situation is quite understandable. They live in a world of illusion, where everything appears beautiful and up to the mark. True love doesn’t need any authentication, but as usual, it is two-way. Situations are fast-changing. Desires surge intensely. The overpowering feeling of loving someone or being loved is strong. It doesn’t give a chance to see things in the light of reality. The effort to show reality is foiled and taken as offensive. Thus, the precarious situation needs to be handled with care.

(b) Dispassionate evaluation

At a personal level, any such situation needs to be dispassionate. A jolt acts as a break to the stage of inebriation. A boil or fissure needs to be surgically eliminated. It can’t be allowed to reach a point where an organ is amputated. An unwilling person can’t be held or made to stay in the relationship until they realise. It comes when one experiences the jolt by oneself. There is no point in holding such a person.

Old Habits die hard

Old habits die hard. A person can’t change their habit until they become aware of their mistakes. He must also understand the harm they cause to a relationship. No one is perfect. Searching for an absolute is a futile and foolish idea. Mutatis mutandis, behavioural change can bring back the lost joy. The need, hence, is to change the perspective. An accommodative approach in the larger interest can do wonders. If it doesn’t work, even after honest efforts, leaving such a situation is the only practical choice.

Please also read a related article by clicking HERE.

Please share your experience if this piece resonated with you. Amicably, the complications in life can easily be sorted. Failing in it, unplugging is the only choice. It needs to be taken after judicial and dispassionate thought. What my readers thnik? Please share your views in the comment box below.

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