How do you know when it’s time to unplug? What do you do to make it happen?

The passage reflects on the complexities of human relationships, emphasising the inevitability of change and personal loss, likening relationships to a train journey where individuals come and go. It highlights the significance of unplugging from unhealthy ties while advocating for mutual support as essential for growth. The text discusses the flaws in the institution of marriage, citing rising divorce rates and gender biases. Furthermore, it emphasises the need for self-awareness and adaptability, recognising when to let go for mental well-being. Ultimately, understanding the dynamics of interdependence and addressing unhealthy relationships is crucial for personal and familial harmony.

The Journey

Sitting on his seat beside a window, he journeyed peacefully, watching the moving scenes outside as his train moved. He was on an express train, which skipped small stations and small halts. It stops for a while at major stations as it has to cover a long distance within a stipulated time.

People are on the sojourn. It is always like that. There is no scope for personal liking or disliking; it is an essential part of life. Better still, it is life. No one sits idly; one can’t.
It is important to note that the journey has to be taken alone. Family size or closeness doesn’t matter. The number of friends doesn’t matter either. The number of people behind does not affect the journey. People come on the journey, share it to some extent, and leave when they reach their destination.

A message received

The notification bell rang on his cell phone, and a message popped up. One of his colleagues, and once a former neighbour, left for heavenly abode. The message received onboard and he was miles away from the city. This was the power of technology when he got information on a real-time basis, he thought.

People disembarked from the train

His mind was racing with the train running on iron rails; roaring, howling, snapping and leaving things behind. Likewise, life is also moving fast. At the stoppage, a new person boarded the train, and the one who till now was talking and joking disembarked. Waving from outside the compartment, the passenger vanished in the crowd. They would never meet again. After a halt, the train resumed its journey.

Thoughts ran Parallel to the Train

He too forgot the co-passenger who disembarked at the last stoppage soon. The chain of thoughts resumed and started racing with the train. The face of the deceased colleague came before him, who was a simple person. It wasn’t because the person no longer exists, and it was customary to say so. It was because the man was simple but self-centred. An average person, as he was, would seldom interfere with others, provided the parochial stay unaffected. The face of his deceased colleague starts haunting him. Several people like him met, journeyed as co-passengers, and disembarked at their destinations. No relationship is permanent, even if one thinks so.

Mutual Interdependence

Human beings are a strange mix of emotions. To survive, taking help is necessary. It is mutual and two-way traffic. Nature has made it easy for humans, as she knew their disposition and vulnerability. They are strong and self-reliant, but without the help of others, it is impossible for humans to grow and prosper. It is not that they only take help from among themselves. They take significant help from other organisms or things around them, too. Nature provides grain, building material and yarn for food, clothing and shelter to human beings. They dig ores from the earth to extract metals from them. Collaborating with other humans working in a foundry, they take out metals through a metallurgical process. In a nutshell, human existence is because of their dependence on others, which they say is “mutual interdependence”.

The train halted at a Station

His chain of thought broke. The train came to a halt with a loud grinding sound of its brakes. People were boarding and deboarding the train, busy railway staff loaded parcels and bags of postal materials. There were a series of hectic activities. People were in a hurry and busy. He was stolidly watching. The prepared train whistled and moved after a while. The thoughts started racing again.

Finding Peace: The Key to a Harmonious Life

Relationships

Picking up the thread from where it left off, thoughts turned to psychological, emotional, and physical dependence. People are interdependent in various ways for psychological, emotional and physical needs. These three dependencies collectively form a family or relationship. The cornerstone of a family is a “legitimate” relationship.

Nuptial knot

To strengthen the relationship and “legalise” togetherness, the system of marriage acted as a cementing factor. It institutionalised the relationship. To buttress it further, the system was linked with birth and rebirth to make it perpetual for seven births. Though the institution has had a jerky path, the powerful shackles of “tradition” didn’t allow it to deviate from its primary motto. Still, it is staggering and occasionally ends in doom.

Burdened mind

Marriage and family are inseparable and essential to individuals and society, especially in the absence of better practical alternatives. Psychologically burdened people made to believe that nuptial relationships were sacrosanct, pious and decided by God. It is said that decided in heaven, and pairs are solemnised on earth.

They created rosy stories about the sacred nature of marriage. Women were at the centre stage in them. The norms were sacrosanct and binding for the couples in a conjugal relationship.

Is Marriage System Waning?

Plainly, the answer is that the marriage is losing its sheen. Nevertheless, it is a hurried statement. Ostensibly strong, the marriage system is not organic. It is unstable and fundamentally flawed. It is destined to fail. The strict and suffocating system leads to asphyxiation, ultimately affecting the family or the relationship. Over time, a gradual decline in the institution of marriage has started. The upward trend of strained relationships, ultimately leading to judicial separation or divorce, is fast reaching a critical point. The increasing number of cases of domestic violence and strained relationships in family courts are the pointers. This decline is one of several factors that contribute to the breakdown of established institutions. As a result, intrinsic selfless cooperation is waning. A selfish, unpredictable, and unbalanced attitude is insidiously creeping in.

Partner or property

Visibly the system of marriage worked properly under the flowery wrap of custom, culture, tradition and religion. Opposite to the ancient Indian tradition and culture, the alien culture considered their property, not partners. The invaders proselytised and forced their customs on the natives.

Women Power

Women have been treated with utmost respect in ancient India. More so, they are depicted as goddesses of power, valour, compassion, health, wealth and knowledge. She is goddess Durga, goddess Laxmi and goddess Saraswati.

Modern women

While deeply engrossed in thoughts, a symphony developed between the acoustics of the moving train, zooming rustic scenery, and his fast-moving thoughts. In the modern progressive world of science and technology, women collaborating with men have crossed several milestones. landed on the moon and walked on its surface. They are successfully running large corporate houses, active in political fields, serving at coveted posts as diplomats and scientists. The list is long. In such a world, “Gender bias” is regressive and nauseating. Indian ethos has, since ancient times, given importance to women’s power.

Why to unplug

In the backdrop of ancient Indian custom and culture, where the nuptial knot is sacred and unbreakable, it is not easy to snap it. Nevertheless, it is not difficult either. To decide the time to unplug is crucial and needs serious cogitation. Relationships are based on love, care, mutual understanding and respect. It is now not a realm of any particular gender, but bilateral. The couple is two wheels of a cycle in a true sense. (Psychology Today)

Haughty and irrational behaviour

Non-adjustments and inappropriate calibration in relationships affect the fragile bond. It is the outcome of haughty and irrational behaviour of either the two. Additionally, an inflated ego and a sense of superiority complex born out of economic superiority plays its role. Minor tiffs are becoming large. Making a hill out of a molehill is frequent. The boiling situation leads to breaking the bond, but it is not easy for a few. Those who try to stay in relationships are either timid, oversensitive, or emotional. They do not want to unplug the relationship because they are not capable of bearing the brunt of losing. They want to give the relationship one more chance.

Strained Relationship

The difficult relationship is not only harmful to those who are in such a strained situation. Unfortunately, children who experience severe mental and psychological trauma suffer a lot. They simply do not deserve this painful experience. Parents must consider it seriously before reaching a conclusive stage. They need to take concrete actions to tackle this problem. This will help them move further ahead.

Romanticism

Things appear flowery and silky while in the romantic phase. Physical attraction plays a vital role and both partners feel at cloud nine. The reality is rather harsh. Soon after the honeymoon period is over, minor tiffs start rearing heads. Soon it transforms in commotion. Unchecked, it leads to utter frustration and mutual hatread.

Understanding Harsh Realties

The situation of romantic couples is quite understandable. Living in illusion, they stay blindfolded with the stark reality. Love, or rather infatuation, doesn’t need any authentication, but it is two-way. Situations change fast. Desires surge intensely. The overpowering feeling of loving someone or being loved starts waning with time. Initially, at the centre stage, romanticism gradually takes a back seat. Though it is realised lately when facing harsh reality. The precarious situation should be handled with care.

Dispassionate evaluation

At a personal level, the couple should cogitate, talk freely and be dispassionate. It is only they who can bring change in their lives. A desire to mend and heal the wounded relationship can act as an elixir. Past moments have to be felt and remembered. Reminiscing about the days of their romanticism when they loved togetherness and felt the bliss of mutual care and compassion acts as a fertiliser. A dispassionate introspection and an honest effort to bandage the wounded relationship are desirable.

Give a chance

Before reaching the breaking point, all avenues need to be exhausted. Ironing out the differences and realising the present, searching for an amicable solution, is what is needed. Love needs to be given a chance of revival. jolt acts as a break to the stage of inebriation. A boil or fissure needs to be surgically eliminated. It can’t be allowed to reach a point where an organ is amputated. An unwilling person can’t be held or made to stay in the relationship until they realise. It comes when one experiences the jolt by oneself. There is no point in holding such a person.

Old Habits die hard

Old habits die hard. A person can’t change their habit until they become aware of their mistakes. They must also understand the harm they cause to a relationship. No one is perfect. Searching for an absolute is a futile and foolish idea. Mutatis mutandis, behavioural change can bring back the lost joy. The need, hence, is to change the perspective. An accommodative approach in the larger interest can do wonders. If it doesn’t work, even after honest efforts, leaving such a situation is the only practical choice.

The complications of life can easily be sorted out by having a healthy dialogue. The last option that remains after exhausting all ways is to switch off and part. One who is adamant in breaking has made up their mind. Patching up is impossible. In serious cases, amputation is the ultimate solution.

Some more interesting reads:

• Finding Peace: The Key to a Harmonious Life
• Understanding the Complexity of Human Relationships
• From Turmoil to Tranquility: A Journey of Self-Discovery
• Letting Go for Harmony: Nature and Relationships
• Understanding the Nature of First Crushes

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