The narrative explores the profound bond of friendship between two orphans, Ramu and Shyamu, who navigate life’s challenges together while sharing their dreams of furthering their education and music. Their struggles mirror the complexities of human relationships, which are often defined by societal norms yet can also flourish beyond conventional definitions. The text delves into the significance of relationships, the evolution of family systems, and the need for mutual respect and understanding. It emphasizes that relationships require nurturing and are vital for emotional and social security, ultimately providing a framework for individuals to thrive amidst life’s difficulties.
He was alone, sitting on a bench. He was an orphan whose mother passed away from a fever, and he could do nothing because he was penniless. His father died when he was an infant. No relatives helped him when his mother was struggling with life.
Vagaries had made him numb. He was incapable of thinking. As he sat blank-headed, a person came and sat beside him. After a preliminary conversation, both came to know about each other. Their sorrows and pains were the same.
A little later, Shyamu, the second one groped his sac and took out a paper bag containing some roasted grams. As he was about to eat, he stopped mid-way and asked Ramu, the other one to share. Hesitatent but hungry, Ramu initially refused. Shyamu requested him to take some, saying, “We are now friends, so there should not be any formality among us from now on.” Shyamu’s tone was polite but emphatic. Together they ate grams and shared their stories.
With time their friendship grew stronger and deeper. They stayed together, slept on the footpath and shared what they could earn as food. They had become inseparable entities, sharing and helping each other’s woes and pains.
Both were physically challenged but acted as eye and ear for each other. One wanted to study and the other a singer. They made a living by singing on the street, managing to feed themselves while saving money for their dreams and sharing a strong bond. What bond was this? Was it a relationship?
One will say that both were friends. Indeed, they were; sharing a strong bond of friendship they worked together for their dreams.
They were related but not according to social norms. Society always wants to grope relationships between two individuals. If two individuals belong to opposite sex, they have to have a relationship. They should be brother-sister, husband-wife, cousin or anything, but they must be related.
“Relation” and “Relationship” are the most commonly used words. In routine conversations, on social media platforms, and on TV soap operas and serials, its use is frequent. In a way, it has become a focal point in the social arena.
Why is it so? Why conversing about relationships has become so important as if they are under siege? Are relations so amorphous and fragile that they can’t sustain minor dents and scratches? Let us delve deep and try to sieve out about this and some more.
A relationship is a bond which is either organic and original or established. One has a relationship of employee-employer, subordinate-boss, teacher-taught or filial. Objectively speaking, everything in the universe is related to each other. The things and happenings are also related, as they can relatively be true or false. Any object is big because we have something small. It gives a sense of comparison and allows to scale velocity, volume, temperature or any physical measurement. What is a relationship in an abstract term, what is its role in our lives, and why it is important are but a few points that need to be pondered. The term ‘abstract’ will apply to human behaviour in totality; the way humans interact with each other.
Human beings evolved as a result of a very long process of experimentation, trial and error in Nature. They have been “selected” by the process of “Natural Selection”. It is a process of eliminating unfits and choosing the most suitable ones to survive in the changed/changing world. It resulted in the evolution of the most advanced creature in the animate world. Named as Homo sapiens, they could use a large and highly complex brain to think, apply logic and reach a conclusive decision.
The highly developed power of thinking and logic application differentiated them from other less evolved creatures. Besides reasoning, the edge gave them advanced emotions and a sense of attachment. Humans get attached to what or whom they love, be it their physical belongings, pets and loved ones.
As humans started forming societies, bonds of relationship, which occupied an omphalo position, were also developed concurrently. While parental care is seen in other animal groups as well, it precipitated into a well-structured family system in human beings.
An organic love exists between offspring and their parents, especially the mother among animals. She rears their siblings, feeds them, protects them from potential dangers and teaches them about life. The siblings separate after they become self-reliant, independent individuals.
The human family system is a well-knit, intricate system with a distinct hierarchy. The children are well taken care of. Parents do everything possible to rear them properly within their capacity. Woven with colourful and strong warp and weft, the tapestry is bound to be strong and vivid. Parents inculcate human values and teach them to be strong enough to face difficulties. A bond of love, affection, respect and trust develops between parents and their children.
In the human society, great value is attached to family. A few decades back family used to be joint and large. With time and pressing necessities, the joint family system is waning fast, giving way to the nuclear family. The size of the family has decreased, but an attachment, feeble though, is still there. Uncles, aunts, grandmothers and grandfathers, are still linked with family strings.
A family is a close-knit, well-bonded, heterogeneous group of individuals recognized as a socially established system.
A family is a close-knit, well-bonded, heterogeneous group of individuals recognized as a socially established system. The prerequisite of the family is marriage, the launchpad of a relationship. Two individuals, after solemnization, enter a new phase of their life.
The post-nuptial phase is rosy, lovely, vibrant and romantic. With time, though, stagnation starts to creep in. The relationship becomes monotonous and stale; minor things gradually become important – avoidables become unavoidable. Recurrent obstreperous occasions lead to incessant commotion. Demeaning, abusing and scathing each other become frequent leading to frustration, dejection, anger and dissatisfaction.
This is avoidable. The partners need to think with prudence, sit down to discuss their problems and sort them out. Nevertheless, it is easier said than done. The problem arises when one of the two behaves pervicaciously and does not want to mend the way, making an amicable solution impossible.
Feelings and emotions are finely intertwined with the human psyche. Children learn and imbibe them as they grow. Initially, it is connatural, but gradually, it is mixed with other feelings. The thought of ‘mine and thine’ starts creeping making siblings of the same parents different. The filial bond is strong but not strong enough. Parents love and feel a natural attachment to their children.
It seems like a melodramatic ode trying to glorify the bond of a relationship. On the reality front, it is difficult to lug a relationship. The abusive and suspicious environment, especially in a nuptial relationship, leads to break. The increasing number of divorce cases testifies it.
The relationship is mutual. It is a two-way communication as it is natural. One-way communication is a monologue. Different shades of emotions play roles in determining the personality of an individual. The balanced blend of positive and negative emotions is good for an individual. Tilted balance can be adjusted, but a heavy tilt or completely lopsided approach is not good. The self-centred attitude of keeping self above everything starts eroding the framework of any relationship and ultimately leads to their collapse.
The mutual nature of the relationship is primarily based on give and take. Necessity establishes a bond that lasts up to the point of its existence. Soon after the necessity ends, the relationship volatilises. The overpowering selfish feeling and surge of other important things, mixed with waned necessity, are the cause of depleting relationships. Thin-skinned people pass through emotional trauma when they come across such a situation.
The relationship is strong and long-lasting when partners do not vie but have mutual respect towards each other. Mendacity is yet another potential enemy of relationship. Compounded with egotistical behaviour, it becomes lethal. It works well when mutual trust is bigger than suspicion. People with strong emotions or dominating nature find it impossible to adjust. In such a case rift is the natural fallout. Frequent acrimonious verbal duets lead to a caducous relationship.
Accommodating, caring and patient individuals successfully wade through the deluge of difficult times. A relationship is demanding; it needs to be nurtured. Unilateral adjustment to haul the train, nevertheless, is a compromise and surrender before the situation. It is futile. The crux is, thus, mutual.
Apart from the primary relationship, an individual enters into other types of relationships as well. It is established on the work front. Outside the family cocoon, an individual is vulnerable and prone to various attacks but such shock waves do not harm the individual much because of the thinking that they are outsiders. This, though, passively affects and manifests itself in an individual’s behaviour when in one’s comfort zone.
A platonic relationship is a utopia. It would be unwise and irrational to advocate it. The interaction of individuals decides the longevity of any relationship. The basic need of a relationship is to fulfil and buttress the physical, financial and emotional needs of individuals.
People need such an ecosystem wherein every member gets care, compassion, love, affection and protection. Family is the unit of society that provides social security, love and support to every member.
The relationship is important for every member of society. Difficulties are intrinsic to the life process. Life is a roller coaster journey that thrills and frightens but at the same time gives satisfaction, gravity and deep love. Making a hill out of a molehill only aggravates the situation. The ego is an individual possession that is good or bad as per the quantity. Self-respect is of paramount importance but when inflated, ego crosses the way differently and starts gnawing the bonds, it becomes worth shredding.
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