The text discusses the complexity of relationships, contrasting selfless and selfish dynamics through Bollywood songs. It explores how relationships influence individuals positively or negatively, citing examples from culture, science, and human evolution. Ultimately, it emphasizes the importance of interdependence within families and society, highlighting that good and bad traits coexist in these interactions.
What relationships have a positive impact on you?
"Ram Kare Aisa Ho Jaaye
Meri Nindiya Tohe Mil Jaaye
Main Jagoon, Tu So Jaye..."
-Film "Milan" 1967
Before starting the commentary on relationships, quoting two Bollywood film songs of the same year, 1967, would be appropriate. The first one is quoted above. It expresses the extreme love of a lover who prays to God to transfer his sleep to his fiancee so that she can have a sound sleep. It is the selfless love of the level of devotion which can’t see the loved one in the slightest of distress or pain.
The other one is quoted here:
"Kasme Vaade Pyaar Wafa
Sab Baaten Hain Baaton Ka Kya,
Koi Kisi Ka Nahin Ye Jhoothe,
Naate Hain Naaton Ka Kya..."
-Film "Upkaar" 1967
Here, in this song, the singer is describing the futility of relationships, promises, oaths, love and loyalty. It says that relationships are self-centred and have selfish motives. The moment the self is fulfilled, they do not hesitate to cheat and show their real fangs.
These are the two extreme types of relationships. One is selfless and platonic, while the other is romantic and selfish. Be it positive or negative, selfish or selfless the relationships are demanding. One likes it or not, it leaves an impression sometimes a deep scar that changes the life.
Most of us know about the great poet Tulsi Das, who wrote Ramcharit Manas. It is a well-known fact that he loved his wife very much, but after being scolded in sarcasm by her, he left home to become a saint and poet. This type of relationship can be seen as a subgroup of another relationship. It is unilateral. The shock, Tulsi Das received proved life-changing.
A relationship is a type of interaction people or objects share. An interdependence is a type of relationship where each partner shares something or the other.
A relationship is a type of interaction people or objects share. An interdependence is a type of relationship where each partner shares something or the other. In the scientific world, this give and take is unique. Let us elaborate.
An atom has electrons and a nucleus. The nucleus contains Neutron and Proton. The electrons spin around the nucleus. For stability, an atom needs to have either two or eight electrons in its outermost orbit. If the electrons are less, the atom has a tendency to accept them from other atoms. If their number is beyond eight, they transfer them to another atom so that both the donor and receiver have the required number of eight or two electrons.
The requirements are fulfilled either by transferring or sharing the electrons. The aim of telling this story is to explain the process of establishing a relationship which is a bond. The sharing of electrons among atoms establishes a strong bond. A relationship is also established by the quid pro quo bond.
It’s an oft-repeated fact that the Natural world is interdependent. No one is self-sufficient in the sense that each one of us is dependent on the other. As we saw in the example above, at the atomic level, mutual need is seen. Though there are elements that are self-sufficient but then they are inert. Same is true in the living world as well. Taking care of self is intrinsic but to look after every aspect, one has to have a relation in some form or the other.
During the initial days of human evolution, cave dweller humans used to hunt collectively big animals and satiate their hunger by sharing the kill. The joint efforts must have given them to realize the importance of coordination and shared efforts. This was also a relationship.
With the advancement of time, as humans evolved, their behaviour gradually became complex with the development of emotions. Feelings of mine and thine started creeping in, leading to progressively more convolution in human relationships. With increasing degree of feelings of different kinds, the already existing relationship between humans and other organisms started gaining ground. The intense of them all was selfishness.
To cater for the human demand for security, care, support and compassion, higher groups of animals like mammals, including humans, developed a highly organised system. They named it Society and, to run it smoothly established an order named Social Order. We see an organised society in Primates like Orangutan, Chimpanzee, and Gorilla et cetera. Parental care is seen in many lower animals, too.
Being the basic unit of society, the family occupies the primary and most important place. People tend to attach great importance to their family, which in modern-day parlance has shrunk to the level of a “Nuclear” family. It comprises of husband, wife and one or two children (sometimes more).
The materialistic bend of mind, consumerism and pressing social pressures individuals to earn more. The earlier social division of labour has shattered, and because of false ego, it has been looked down on. The self is insidiously crept into the filial relationship. Children often look more upon their comfort and ambition over other obligations. It is, however, needs not to be lamented upon. It is an evolutionary process which is inevitable. The negative traits like that of selfishness are also not new. It is the modern humans who are trying to amplify and make it larger than life size.
The feeling that someone is with us gives us strength to sustain the odds of time, pain and sorrow. If the sharing decreases sorrow and pain, it increases happiness and joy. Sharing is possible in a closed group like family and friends. Relatives often do not come in close groups. It is a distant extended family which often not considered a group of confides.
One can’t be immune to the effects of society and family. Members of the family are bound to affect positively or negatively. If someone feels offended because of others’ behaviour in a family, some understand the pity and plight. She or he then tries to pacify both sides. It becomes difficult when a dominant member tries to thrust their whim on the other members.
Searching for an absolute good or bad is simply impossible and imaginary. It is equally difficult to distinguish individuals of a family based on their impact. The role of elder brother or elder sister is like a guide. Choosing between father and mother is sometimes very difficult but sometimes seems very easy. The judgement is based on the ostensible perception. It has become fashionable to tag one as positively impactful over the other. This practice demeans the importance of another member, which should not be encouraged.
-END-
Leave a Reply