What were your parents doing at your age?
Shivam reflects on his childhood memories captured in old photographs, revealing a nostalgic yet painful picture of his upbringing. He recalls his father’s irascibility and harsh discipline, often facing punishment for his siblings’ mistakes, while his mother struggled to manage the household. The narrative contrasts the past punitive parenting style with today’s more empathetic approach. It emphasizes the importance of treating children as individuals, highlighting that their upbringing shapes their future identity and behaviour.
While flipping an old family album he stopped at a photograph. The photograph was a black-and-white contact print of a toddler. The bare-bodied toddler was seen sitting with a puppy which was in his lap. Watching that picture Shivam slipped into nostalgia.
He was told about that picture. It was he, Shivam, who was seen in the picture. He had no memory of that time because he was too young to reckon things. Plunging into the past, he kept staring at the picture for quite some time. Further flipping the leaves, he saw many more pictures, but once again, he stopped for a while to stare at the photograph of a boy in the costume of a deity.
The picture was that of a six or seven-year-old child. In the picture, the child was in the costume of a deity. He was in the costume because he was to be showcased as a deity in the annual cultural extravaganza of the school.
Shivam recollected vividly the day he was being prepared in the school for the fancy dress. After his makeup was completed, Shivam was taken backstage, where he saw other artists preparing for the scene to be played after his show. Moments later, he was brought on the centerstage behind the curtain. With soft music, the curtain was raised. Shivam was seen standing in the attire of a deity, hand raised in a blessing posture. The audience cheered and clapped for him. After a short while, the curtains were dropped, and the announcement was made telling the audience about the boy.
He remembered how after the show, he was taken to a photographer for a photo session. The costume remained at home for a few days, and he was made to wear it as and when his parents or relatives wanted him to.
Though things had started registering in his mind, Shivam was not capable of connecting them in a series of happenings. He was innocent to the degree of dumbness.
With time he grew and the first thing that was imprinted on his nascent mind was that his father was a irascible person who had a tough stance and often slapped him on the slightest mistake. The impression was gradually deepened with time and still hovers over his mind.
Eldest among his brothers and sisters, Shivam got the most punishments as a bonus. He would often get unreasonable thrashing and sometimes for the fault of his younger brother or sister. The lower middle-class family had only one earning member who worked as a clerk. The home atmosphere used to be tense whenever he happened to be at home. Shivam would pose to study when he saw his father around.
Shivam’s mother was a simple housewife who belonged to a rustic background. Shivam’s maternal grandfather was a farmer who owned a small tillable land. Additionally, he served as an employee in a district office as well. His office was a few miles away from his small village. He used to commute to the office on his bicycle. No other means of transport were available during that time.
Shivam would visit every summer to his maternal home in the village. His maternal grandmother was a lovely woman who loved him much, and so was his maternal grandfather. He often accompanied his grandfather to his office. The city life for Shivam was chaos. Narrow, dirty roads with potholes and a crowded office atmosphere and motley crowd seen helter-skelter.
His mother was a frail woman. With a comparatively narrow face and lovely jawlines, she was a humble lady who used to take care of her siblings meticulously in the meagre earnings the family had. Sometimes the family had to live without having a square meal. The family affairs were not so good but they all pulled and managed to survive successfully.
Shivam used to see his mother busy with household chores. She would clean the house and keep it tidy. Cooking was a tedious chorus in those days. The work from processing to cooking was done manually on a fuel wood fire, lit in an earthen stove (Chulha). Braving the belching smoke and wiping her eyes with the end of her saari, she would blow the fire to glow.
Every morning, she used to light the earthen stove, prepare food for all and also prepare children for school. After everyone was gone, she used to stitch garments for every child after finishing household chores. For Shivam, she was like an angel and respite. She became restless when Shivam received thrashing blue and black.
Shivam was growing. After nursery, he was admitted to basic classes. He was not a brilliant student. The shadow of home atmosphere is bound to cast its shadow on the psyche and overall performance of a child. Shivam was not an exception. Unconsciously, he was slipping into the trench of indifference, but no one cared for it. It was not a problem for anyone during that time.
He was given the physical task of household chores. He used to chop firewood, fetch water, bring ration from the fair price shop and groceries from the local grocer. He would often go to the wholesale vegetable market (Mandi) for vegetables. In a way, he passively helped his mother in her daily routine.
Like the men of those times, his father did not care for the psychological shock a child was getting. He belonged to the school of thought who believed that as an earning member, he was struggling to fulfil the child’s and family’s physical necessities. What else can a child expect more than that? It was the child’s duty to come with flying colours and secure excellent marks in the examination. It was the only duty that a child must carry out. Thrashing, abusing, and maltreating a child was considered the birthright of parents. What’s the harm if one beats his own child, they would ask.
The time has changed considerably. Parents have become friendly and behave properly with their siblings. The siblings are not thrashed for petty “crimes” but are being given a sympathetic ear. They are not being subjected to captious behaviour by their fathers or are severely criticized. Their point of view and the situation they are in is also important for their parents. It is a good approach which gives the child a sense of protection and security. Nowadays siblings are not a terrified lot. They are not burdened because of the lopsided judgment of their parents.
The intention to show the difference is not criticism but to show a picture that has been an ugly one. The tendency of parents to treat their siblings like their visiting cards needs to be discarded. Children are our part and are the outcome of a biological process. They have the same genetic content as their parents. Treating them as their property is not only wrong but dangerous as well.
As the famous nature poet Wordsworth has aptly said, “The child is the father of the man…” It is the child who becomes a man in future and begets a child when the time comes. It is a cycle. It is like what we sow so shall we reap. Parents are important. They are the ones who have brought us into this world. A child owes his birth to his parents, but at the end of the day, he is a human being as well. One can’t treat him as a tamed animal.
It is a Quaid Pro Quo. It needs to be taken care of that a child should not be exposed to excessive physical punishment or mental torture lest he becomes a rebel and develops a feeling of disdain towards his parents. No one would like to see this situation. Do we?
-END-
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