What were your parents doing at your age?
An octogenarian reflects on his childhood memories captured in old photographs, revealing a nostalgic yet painful picture of his upbringing. He recalls his father’s irascibility and harsh discipline, and that he often faced punishment for his siblings’ mistakes, while his mother struggled to manage the household. The narrative contrasts the past punitive parenting style with today’s more empathetic approach. It emphasises the importance of treating children as individuals, highlighting that their upbringing shapes their future identity and behaviour.
Family album
While flipping through an old family album, a photograph attracted his attention. It was a black-and-white contact print picture of a toddler. The bare-bodied toddler was seen sitting with a puppy in his lap. The picture took him back in time.
His mother told him about that picture. It was he himself in the picture, but being a mere toddler, he had no memory of that time. He kept staring at the picture for quite some time. The album was rich in pictures. He kept flipping through it and once again stopped for a while and stared at the photograph of a boy. The six-year-old child, in the costume of a deity, sitting on a chair and posing for a photograph. The occasion was the annual cultural extravaganza of the school.
Childhood Vivid memories
The octogenarian could recollect vividly the day he was being prepared in the school for the fancy-dress show. After the makeup was over, he was taken backstage, where other artists were preparing for the next scene of the play. In the meantime, a moment later, he was brought onto the centre stage. With soft music, the curtain rose. Standing in the attire of a deity, hand raised in a blessing posture, the child was a bit perplexed. The audience cheered and clapped for him. After a brief period, the curtains dropped, and a deep voice on a megaphone emerged, telling the audience about the boy and his appearance.
He remembered how after the show, he was taken to a photographer for a photo session. The costume remained at home for a few days, and he was made to wear it as and when his parents or relatives wanted him to.
Things begin imprinting
Though things had started registering in his mind, he was still not able to articulate them in a series of happenings. He was innocent to the degree of dumbness. With time, the child grew. The first thing that imprinted on his nascent mind was that his irascible father had a tough stance. The impression gradually deepened with time and still hovers over his mind.
Lower middle class
Eldest among siblings, he has had unreasonable punishments as a bonus. Like a whipping boy, he would receive punishments not for his faults alone, but on behalf of his siblings too. The lower middle-class family had only one earning member working as a clerk. The atmosphere used to be tense and terse on weekends or holidays when their father stayed at home. Children, especially the eldest one, would pose to study when he saw his father around.
Maternal parents
Their mother was a simple housewife who belonged to a rustic background. The child’s maternal grandfather was a farmer who owned a small tillable land. Additionally, he served as an employee in a district office as well. His office was a few kilometres away from his village. He used to commute to the office on an “Ekka” (a horse-driven cart with an open platform). It was the fastest mode of transportation that would ferry commuters from the village to the city boundary.
Childhood and Summer visit
The child would visit his maternal parents’ home in the village every summer. His maternal grandmother was a lovely woman who loved him much, and so was his maternal grandfather. He often accompanied his grandfather to his office. The city life for the child was chaotic. Narrow, dirty roads with potholes and a crowded office atmosphere and a helter-skelter motley crowd of people.
Mother
His mother was a frail woman. With a comparatively narrow face and lovely jawlines, she was a humble lady who used to take care of her children meticulously with the meagre earnings the family had. Sometimes a square meal was difficult, and the family would go without it. The family affairs were not so good, but they all pulled together and managed to survive successfully without letting the children know the difficult situation.
Child, mother and parenting
The child used to see his mother busy with household chores, cooking food and cleaning the house to keep it tidy. Work was performed manually as machines were not available in those days. Cooking was a tedious chore, from pre-preparation to cooking and from dining to washing utensils; mother used to do them all. Cooking was done on a wood fire, lit in an earthen stove (Chulha). Braving the belching smoke and wiping her eyes with the end of her Saari, she would blow the fire to glow.
Mother’s routine
Every morning, she used to light the earthen stove, prepare food for all and also prepare children for school. In her ‘recess’ time, she would stitch garments for her children. For the child, she was like an angel and a respite.
Childhood: Early life
The child was growing and was admitted to basic classes. He was not a brilliant student. The shadow of the home atmosphere was bound to cast its shadow on the psyche and overall performance of the child. Unconsciously, he was slipping into indifference, but no one cared for it. It was not a problem for anyone during that time.
Physical household tasks
At the age of fourteen he would do tasks like chopping firewood, fetching water, bringing rations from the fair price shop and groceries from the local grocer. He would often go to the wholesale vegetable market (Mandi) for vegetables. In a way, he passively helped his mother in her daily routine.
Parental attitude and parenting
Like the men of those times when families would not care about their psychological conditions, his father too did not care. He belonged to the school of thought with a firm belief that he was struggling to fulfil the family’s physical necessities as a sole earning member. It was the child’s duty to come with flying colours in studies and secure excellent marks in the examination. It was the only duty that a child must carry out. Maltreating a child was the birthright of parents. What’s the harm if one punishes their child, they would ask. (Mama say what?!)
Time changed
The time has changed considerably. Parents’ attitude has considerably changed. Their behaviour changed to friendly and behave properly. The siblings are getting sympathetic ear and proper councelling. The home atmosphere is now more democratic. Children’s point of view and the situation they are in are equally important for parents. It is a good approach which gives the child a sense of protection and security. Nowadays, siblings are not a terrified lot. The fair treatment by their parents cause them to feel light and unburdened.
Children are not parents’ visiting cards
The intention to show the difference is not criticism but to show a picture that has been an ugly one. Parents should stop treating their children as their visiting card. Children are our part and are the outcome of a biological process. They have the same genetic content as their parents. Treating them as their property is not only wrong but dangerous as well.
Child is the father of man
As the famous nature poet Wordsworth has aptly said, “The child is the father of the man…” It is the child who becomes a man in future and begets a child when the time comes. What we sow so shall we reap. Parents are important. They are the ones who have brought us into this world. A child owes his birth to his parents, but at the end of the day, he is a human being.
It is a quid pro quo. Family protection, care and love is necessary for a child. Children are the future of the country and asset to society. They should not be expose to hardship, lest they become a rebel and develops a feeling of disdain towards his parents. No one would like to see this situation. Do we?
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Kamal Kishore Srivastava
A retired government officer turned writer and photographer, Kamal Kishore Srivastava is a regular blogger and essayist who explores life’s deeper meanings through immersive reflections on nature, impermanence, and happiness. On his blog Nature’s Narrative, he blends philosophical storytelling with practical insights. Writing 1,200–1,500 words or more regularly, Kamal is committed to refining his craft, expanding his audience, and building a sustainable space where thought and feeling intersect.
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