What could you let go of, for the sake of harmony?

Standing across the glass doors of a cactus house, he was amused at the varieties of cacti. Some were like a cushion chair, some elongated, while some were flat like a leaf. He noticed one thing was common: their bodies were covered with thorns, and their stems were succulent and thick. He knew that they were a group of plants that thrived well in deserts. They have been classified as xerophytes, which have developed unique features that help them survive arid conditions and scorching heat.

Before that, while wandering in a local wetland, he noticed floating plants on the water’s surface and elongated, ribbon-like or thread-like plants. They were water-dwelling plants or aquatic plants. He had noticed certain things common to those plants.

The starking noticeable things were that both groups of plants were adapted for a specific environment, and giving them a different environment was fatal to them. It is not unusual in animals. There are groups of animals which thrive in arid areas. They can withstand extreme temperatures and cope with water scarcity. Similarly, some animals can’t live without water. Fish is an instant example which is aquatic.

In the course of organic evolution, organisms learned various ways of living and selected different environments, though there were exceptions as well. In the process of learning new ways, they start adopting habits of living in different conditions. “Lungfish”, for example, has a swim bladder which helps them breathe air. It is besides the gills, which are the usual means of respiration. Lungfishes are adapted to withstand harsh situations and can survive in drought-like conditions by burrowing in mud. Such organisms are like a bridge between the two different living situations and give key evidence of the evolutionary process. It shows how the changing conditions changed the behaviour and structure of the organism into a new one, more powerful and better equipped for the new condition.

Natural Selection is the effective way of evolving into a new and well-adapted organism. It is the law of Nature. Unfit are eliminated.

The human race is the outcome of persistent work, experimentation and evolution. He is powerful and better equipped to survive because of his improved brain. He was capable of thinking, applying logic and reasoning. Like nature, he experimented with things, evolved principles and theories. With acquired knowledge, he successfully tried to improve his life and way of living. He invented things to ease his life.

The increased cranial capacity and highly developed brain gave him an advantage over other organisms. With his brain, he was capable of conquering the universe, venture out and explore space, and above all, learned to live in harmony and peace. One of the greatest achievements was that, besides material achievement, he was a highly complex organism with a myriad of emotions and feelings.

Emotions and feelings are also found in organisms other than humans, but it is highly structured and expressive in human beings. He can vocalise his feelings, express them verbally and show them in behaviour. While higher animals show their feelings in a limited manner, humans have both the ability and the choice to express their emotions. This gives rise to acrimonious infighting, which, at times, becomes ugly.

Emotions play a vital role in shaping life. It is the emotion which makes humans enter into a relationship and glue together. The relationship is the key to a family, which is a group bound together by blood relationship. Members of a family share traits and characteristics which is inherited. Acquired characters, in combination with inherent characters, form the personality of an individual. 

With so much prudence and wisdom, it is incumbent upon humans to lead an amicable life in harmony. They need to live and let live. Their behaviour must not be conflicting and clamorous. Every individual must get their due in the right proportion, their feelings are cared for, and their personal space is respected. Naturally, things collide when several individuals live together. The collision, nevertheless, should not be harmful but should improve the degree of understanding among each other and strengthen the bonds.  It is a mutual process that involves every stakeholder, be it in a family, friendship, companionship or with colleagues. Here comes the adjustments and calibration in dealing with relationships.

The question arises as to what the right amount of adjustment is. Should it be endless, or should it have some limitation? It is a pertinent question that needs deeper thinking. Relationship is demanding. It needs to be taken care of as well as giving them time to grow and mature. What should be let go and what not needs serious thinking, considering self-respect, which should be given priority.

The current time is full of cry and clamour. People are seen running helter-skelter. They are in a mad rat race. They seem eager to take the lead. The unholy haste in getting everything in a short time leaves no space for decency and mutual respect. It is being reflected in nuptial relationships where the partners are not in the mood to come to a common meeting point. The strife between adjustment and compromise is everlasting, resulting in verbal spats and unavoidable commotion. No one wants subordination. The fast-changing scenario is putting the fair sex on the forefront. Strife for equality is becoming louder and harsher. The gender bias is unfortunate and unacceptable. Both are equal partners in creating a world and running it. So, the tendency to treat differently on a gender basis is not good and, thus, has no place in a civilised society.

There used to be a compromise between the two. In patriarchal society it men were responsible for work and earning money while women were solely responsible for managing domestic affairs. Their work was not considered strenuous. It was their “duty” to beget children, rear them up and inculcate values. They had no say in the major decisions of the family. In some ancient and medieval societies, they were treated as second-class citizens and had no voting power. The things, though, are changing, but there is much scope for change. It is the cause of the conflict now.

As society evolves, the conflicts among individuals are increasing. The struggle for equality and rights has intensified, with financial status playing a significant role in determining power dynamics. Non-earning members are often viewed as less important, and marital relationships have historically placed men in privileged positions. Nonetheless, the societal taboos surrounding these issues are gradually breaking down. Change is happening rapidly.

Those who were mute sufferers are now becoming extroverted and are raising their voices. They are expressing themselves by their contribution and proving their abilities. They are no longer weak and timid folks. Change usually brings strife, though gradual and imperceptible change is silent but very slow and takes a lot of time. It has to be realised and taken into account.

The changing situation warrants no gender bias. Partners need to understand it and show mutual respect. The earning members don’t need to be important. In a reverse condition where men are managing household chores, expect not to be ill-treated. It is a Quid Pro Quo situation. Mutual respect is the core, and both should be given proper space.

There is a difference between compromise and adjustment. One person can not go on adjusting ad nauseam. It has a limit, and after a certain point, things become unmanageable. People have to give it serious thought. Demeaning, being verbally and at times physically thrashed, suppression, and suffocation lead to an abusive relationship. It is mentally and physically damaging. Prudence is the right answer. Partners need to sit and converse with an open mind and arrive at a consensus.

Although adjustments and calibration are accommodating and give space to others, compromise is a total surrender. A vanquished has no say and has to obey the conditions laid down by the conqueror. It is not a pact between the two forces, but obeying the conditions of the powerful and mighty. The relationships need to be nurtured on the manure of mutual goodwill, love, empathy and compassion, not only whim and mendacity. Lopsided thought processes or ignoring each other are bound to weaken the foundation of the bond we know as a relationship.

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