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What is the greatest gift someone can give? The reflective essay argues that the truest gift is a reciprocal relationship built on mutual trust, respect and responsibility. Moving from wandering thinker under a Peepal tree to neighbourhood traditions, office politics and even India’s “Bus Diplomacy”, it shows how generosity without reciprocity breeds exploitation and hurt. Through vivid examples, it contends that good relationship must be nurtured like seeds, that absolute simplicity can be risky, and that justice and prudence are essential when dealing with selfish or toxic people.

Soliloquising

As usual, he followed his routine of wandering alone in a woodland-like area. He used to soliloquise while alone in a bid to get answers to questions that came to his mind. Passing past a Peepal tree (Ficus religiosa), the thought that came to his mind was the amount of oxygen it gives, besides many more benefits. The tree gives without expecting anything in return, but what humans give back to it was the question. Gifting is bilateral and strengthens the bond of mutual trust and relationship. From a selfish perspective, the answer would probably be everything good and excellent. No one wants less and reciprocate it in the same coin.

Receiving something from others amounts to giving something in return. It is a quid pro quo situation. One should expect only when one is ready to give at least an equal number of things in return. The thing is necessarily not a material thing. It can be anything from abstract to concrete or material to immaterial.

Gifting and Society

Society is a close-knit group of individuals joined together for a common cause of mutual benefit. It is further divided into families, which are the closest group in a society. Society formation is found in insects like whiteants or honeybees and in other animal groups too. Human society is different which functins at different levels like emotion, material or basic necessities. Gifting is a process to establish a bond. In close-knit societies or localities, it was common practice to send some eateries, especially porridge or other sweet things, to neighbours on special occasions or festivals. The neighbour would return the pot with something as a return gift. It is a goodwill gesture that strengthens a good and cordial relationship.

Expecting good and congenial behaviour or love can’t be unilateral. Similarly, desiring to have a cordial relationship with a neighbouring country without reciprocating the goodwill gesture from the other side of the border is futile.

Gifting endeavour: Bus Diplomacy

In the late twenties, the Indian government tried to iron out the differences with its hostile neighbours and started a bus service. Indian Prime Minister took the initiative in 1999 and travelled across the border with some dignitaries in a bus. It was termed “Bus Diplomacy”. Instead of reciprocating the gesture, the neighbour treacherously backstabbed, trespassed about twenty kilometres inside the line of control and attacked in Kargil of Ladakh. World severely condemned backstabbing isolating the enemy country. Humiliated and demeaned, the foe who had attacked under the disguise of “Mujahideen” faced severe losses and the killing of their men, leaving their corpses unclaimed, and retreated unceremoniously.

Relationship

Relationship of any kind, be it international, intranational, or any other relationship, is mutual and reciprocal. It is true for everyone and everywhere. Getting cordial relationship is possible only by adjusting gesture, cordial behaviour and mutual gifting. Treachery ends up in animosity and bitterness. Though it is also a type of relationship, it is unproductive and regressive. Ironically, some who consider themselves ideal, behave ludicrously but expect nice behaviour from the other. Failing that, they become green-eyed. (Wikipedia)

A good relationship can’t be obtained simply by a wish. It is earned. It is like a seed which, when sowed in fertile soil, germinates, grows and becomes a fruiting tree when properly nurtured and taken care of. The wish for respect, trust and peaceful coexistence requires consistent hard work and readiness to accept the impending challenges that may hamper a good and cordial relationship.

Give and take

Give and take is a greate thing to do. It is mutual and both way traffic.

The commonality in give and take is mutual. It is both-way traffic. In such a situation, one needs to have either a multilane road with proper provision for moving ahead and backward journeys or drive with extreme caution on a single-lane road. High-speed thrills, but it is dangerous. Compounded with carelessness and a casual approach, it becomes lethal as well. The prudence lies in careful driving with eyes on caution, diversions, damaged roads and rough weather. The analogy applies in daily life while dealing with people.

On the work front or in a relationship, one often encounters such a perjured person. People of this type want everything good for themselves as gift, over and above what they already have. They want to snatch rights and shares of others as well, claiming a lion’s share for themselves.

Story of a simple person

He was a simple rule-abiding employee working in a government office. One of his colleagues became close to each other, and the colleague could successfully establish close ties. They would go to their office together as the colleague’s residence was in between. Leaving no opportunity to show closeness, the colleague remained close to him until one day when he came into his colleague’s firing zone. This occurred when the boss changed their allotted work and changed their departments.

The colleague could not take it sportingly and began scheming. The selfish personality was now evident, and he started his sinister plots to defame and weaken his rival from within and outside. It was now clear that the colleague was leaving no stone unturned to defame him. It went on till the boss transferred and a new one took over. The colleague kept on poisoning his immediate bosses and ultimately succeeded in resetting the position to its previous setting.

The obvious fallout was that he shifted back to the initial place. It upset him. The superiors knew the situation. The slavish colleague later faced the music and the wrath of anger and dissatisfaction from his superiors, which exposed him.

The story speaks volumes about give and take. Here, though, the situation is slightly different. He, the protagonist, was a simple and honest person. He tried to gift his collegue but it was not reciprocal. Thus, he suffered mentally and could do nothing except bear the burden of mental suffering. Later, when things became clear, his wicked colleague received what he deserved. In the meantime, the innocent one suffered for what he did not do.

Devoid of give and take: Fake relationship

Persons with dubious character tame higher ambitions without knowing about their capabilities. They adopt slavish means to snatch the legitimate rights of others. Adopting fishy techniques to fulfil their wish, they brutally assault and backstab anyone.  Relationships, friendship, cordial relationships and gifting are mere rhetoric for them. Everything is taming false belief of they being paragon they strut with ego and mendacity. They don’t hesitate to take unethical steps to suppress the genuine one.

Tit for tat

Honesty is the best policy, but in absolute terms, it is a utopia. A red-hot iron can be severed by a cold cutter. Dealing with toxic people should be on the same token, and scheming ones should get what they deserve. Nonetheless, due to the subjectivity of perception and other practical considerations, people of dubious character go scot-free and succeed in their planning. A simple and honest person suffers. This is a sorry state of affairs. It is why, comparing a simple person with a straight tree in a forest, Chanakya said that absolute simplicity is harmful. In a jungle, straight trees are felled first.

Justice delayed is justice denied. The legitimate share is everyone’s right. It should not be left at the mercy of a few cunning persons. Nonetheless, people should also be wary of selfish and toxic persons who always try to disrupt an honest and bona fide action of a simple one.

Robust system

Karma pays have been a catchword for ages, but given the limited time available to an individual, waiting a long time is a kind of injustice. The system works in its own way and pace, but a discriminatory system is not useful for a majority of people. A robust system is that which assures justice to all and appeasement for none. Discrimination in any form is unacceptable. A system which takes care of its people quickly without unholy haste or delay is good for society and people. A practical approach with perfect blend of good and not-so-good is necessary keeping the fact in mind that humans are the mix of good and bad. Though having a foolproof system is utopian, making the justice delivery system efficient and robust ensures justice is delivered in time without commiseration to anyone.

In the end

Before expecting good, it is thus necessary to part with some good things to others as well. People exchange pleasantries, good wishes or moments of happiness. Exchange is participatory. It involves at least two persons who mutually take care of each other. Give and take are also mutual. Expecting one-sided good is a futile and unwise idea.

Further reads:

• Life on Mars: A Journey Through an Alternate Universe
• The Power of Words in Communication
• The Importance of Good Neighbours for Community Harmony
• The Role of Family: Love, Support, and Growth
• Podcast Episode: Forests, Wildlife, And Balance

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